Dawson, you´re not Spielberg!
by MrManiac
Summary: Now with my own censor!!! Dawson faces his greatest challenge!!! Be a director like ol´Steven!!! Here´s his take on JAWS!


Disclaimers: I do not own Dawson´s Creek. WB is the owner.  
All characters created by Mr. Kevin Williamson.  
No money was (and it could never) with this story.

WARNING: THIS IS ANOTHER STUPID STORY! YOU´LL BE OFFENDED! BYE!

DAWSON, YOU´RE NOT SPIELBERG!

It was a beautiful summer morning in Capeside. The sun was shining and the little birds were all singing happy tunes. Our friends, Joey, Jen, Jack, Pacey, Grams and Andie (that had returned only for this story) were at the beach eating bananas and having a great time.

The sea was blue and clean, and some sea gulls were flying around trying to eat some lost little fish.

"You know, Potter, you look really tasty in a bikini. Too bad we broke our relationship!"

"Well, Pacey! You know me! I get tired from only one c#ck!  
I need to get f#ck3d at least every night!" Joey said and showed in a quick flash her nippl3 to Witter who opened his mouth with surprise.

"You lil´, bitchy!" Pacey laughed.

"What?"

"No, Jen... I was talking to Potter!"

"Oh, and I was just starting to get aroused..." Jen said with sad eyes.

"I don´t see any hunka hunka..." Jack said very upset...

"Stop it, Jack!" Grams said with anger "Control yourself, please..."

"Hey what the fck is that?" Andie asked pointing her crawny little finger to the ocean.

They all got up and looked at the sea. In a small boat, holding a video camera and with bucket full of blood and chum in his other hand, Dawson Leery was floating alone at least at 90 feet from the coast.

"I´d ask what the hell is he doing but I think I can imagine..." Jen mocked.

In the boat Dawson Leery started to throw chum to the sea.

"Oy-vey!" he said to himself "Now I´m going to be a great director like Mr.Spielberg is!

Dawson directed his view at the horizon with a stupid look on his face...

FLASHBACK

Dawson at seven walking in Universal Studios Hollywood.  
He´s eating an ice cream. Suddenly, he trips and the Ice cream falls on a man´s shoes.

"Oops! Sorry, sir!"

The man looks at him and smiles.

"SORRY? THOSE WERE A PAIR OF ITALIAN-MADE F#CK1NG SHOES!  
YOU F#CKING LITTLE BRAT! WHY DON´T YOU SCRAP THE SH1T FROM YOUR FU#CKED - UP BRAIN AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR SS?"

Dawson looks at the man with amazement. He is vaguely familiar.  
Of course!

"Wait, you´re Steven Spielberg!"

"Yes , I am, you lil´sh1t machine! Leave me alone, or I´ll kick you so hard in your f#ck1ng blls you are going to have to pump them up!"

Spielberg starts to walk away from an amazed Dawson Leery.

"I loved E.T.!" Dawson shouts.

Spielberg stops and looks behind for a second, right into Dawson´s eye.  
He smiles again. Now, Dawson knows that what Spielberg is going to say will change his life forever:

"F#CK YOU!"

"Thank you, Steveeeeeen!"

END OF FLASHBACK

Dawson kept throwing chum to the sea thinking about that wonderful day when he met his idol.

"Dawson!" Jen called him from the shore "What are you doing?"

Dawson put a hand over his eyes to stop the sun from hitting his eyes,  
and waved at Jen.

"Hello, Lindley! I recovered from Nessie´s attack!"

"I see! Why are you chumming?"

"My God, we must make him come back" Joey said to Pacey.

"Why?" Pacey asked.

"I´m trying to film a great white shark like Mr. Spielberg did!"

Andie and Jack looked at each other in desbelief.  
Pacey scratched his head trying to digest what he had just heard.

"Listen, Dawson!" Grams shouted with desesperation "The shark in JAWS it´s a fake! It´s not real! It´s a FAKE! F-A-K-E!"

"What? ´F-#-C-K´? I can hear you, old bitc... ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

When Dawson was speaking, a real great white shark jumped off the water and chopped off Dawson´s chumming hand. The fish submerged again.  
the sea was red with blood.

"OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! MY HANDD! F#CK! HELP HELP!"

"Stupid, son of a b1tch!" Pacey laughed "Hey, Leery, be careful with your other hand..."

CHOMP

The great white shark came out of the water again and ate Dawson´s right hand, the one holding the camera. Dawson´s face was splashed with water and his own blood.

"ARGGGGHHHHH F#CK F#CK! MY OTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR HANDDDDD! YOU SH1TTY FISH!"

In that moment Dawson fell into the ocean. The shark came from below and bit off both his legs.

"OHHHHHHHHHHH! MY F#CKING LEGSSSSSSSSSSSS! SH111111111111T!"

Then he dissappeared beneath the waves. Blood was all that came up.

Grams, Jen, Joey, Andie, Jack and Pacey kept looking at the sea.  
They were hoping for his friend to came up, to show any sign of life.

Silence.

"Oh, well. That stupid f#ck is not coming up!"

"Oh, Pacey!" Jen said very upset "What could we do now?"

"Now? Thank gosh you asked! We could f#ck like weasels! What da ya say?"

"Now? err... Okay!"

And everybody laughed.

Behind the surface of the sea, the big white shark puked Dawson Leery.

"Man, this tastes like shit" it said.

Then it swam off to Honolulu.

"Maybe I can score there!" it said.

END!

The Loch Ness Monster (Nessie) met and sexually abused Dawson in the FFic story "Dawson, Shut Up!" 


End file.
